A Spot of Drunkeness, a Dash of Jealousy
by Alanna The Lionness
Summary: Well there's one good thing about bastards, they can drive you a bit crazy... F!Cousland/Alistair This was written for my s i b Secret Swooper. Enjoy!


Their eyes have been locked for quite some time now in a secluded corner of The Pearl. Neither of them wanted to shift into more comfortable positions and dared only to take shallow breathes. It had become a battle of tenacity, who was willing to break their pride and submit to the other?

"My money's on Dog," Oghren slurred over the rim of his ale. By this time even the alcohol heavyweight of the group was tanked enough to no longer be able to keep himself on the stool unless he supported his head with his arm to prevent from slamming onto the bar, not that he'd actually have felt it.

"I think the better bet is with our Qunari friend. The mutt is far more easily distracted," Like a good little assassin, Zevran had not in truth gorged himself on ale, but that hadn't stopped him from _pretending_ he was drunk earlier when he copped a feel of their leader's nicely shaped hindquarters, "The first time someone walks by here with food, I assure you, this contest will be over."

"Human," It was the first Sten had spoken since the beginning of the staring match and his rumbling voice startled everyone that was paying attention, "I swear that I will no longer question your gender in regards to authority and battle if you buy something the dog will find satisfactory."

"Well that's a mighty offer," mused Leliana as they turned to their left where the Lady Cousland was sitting. The bard and elf were met with silence though, for the lady was far too busy salivating over what was seated at the table nearest them to listen to anything they'd said. Oghren grunted indignantly, mumbling something about topsiders being no fun as he went swimming in his ale once more.

"My friend, why don't you just take it from him so he'll have more interest in you?" Leliana asked, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder trying to pull the other woman out of her blatant staring.

"Probably because he looks most adorable fondling that thing," Zevran answered delightfully when the female Warden did not. Leliana gave the elf a moment's look of annoyance, but with another quick glance in Alistair's direction she voiced her reluctant agreement with a sigh.

"Alistair _does _look rather cute right now. It's that stupid look on his face," the Sister said with a hint of embarrassment. It was the mention of her heart's desire that finally broke Lady Cousland's intense concentration.

"Don't be absurd, Zevran is right, he's absolutely adorable." The noblewoman's starry-eyed look and breathless words coupled with her farther darkening cheeks made Leliana chuckle.

"You're dearly wishing you were an inanimate object right now aren't you?" Leliana prodded with a teasing smile.

"If it meant he'd touch me like that, of course I am," It was said a matter-of-factly as she lifted her nose in the air and puffed out her chest in an attempt to look proud of her words.

Oblivious to his audience, Alistair chose that moment to let out another drunken squeal of happiness much like the ones he'd been making since about the beginning of Sten and Dog's staring contest.

"I want to hug you and love you and take you on trips," the ex-Templar chattered, trying to serenade the device in his hands as he rubbed it up and down his cheeks with closed eyes. Glee was written all across his features making him glow. His three on lookers had to admit, while his current obsession was ludicrous, they'd never seen him so happy.

"I hate that barmaid. Next time she walks by I swear I'm tripping her," the Warden ground out between clenched teeth completely infuriated and exasperated at his words, "If it wasn't for her giving that Maker be damned thing to him he'd still be over here!"

"Why _is _Alistair over there?" Zevran asked curiously, "He can't simply admire his new prize while sitting with the rest of us?"

"No, Sten took one look at him with it and said 'You are pathetic'," Leliana mimicked in her best Sten impression, which essentially consisted of deepening her voice, squaring her shoulders, and scrunching up her face. Zevran at least found it rather comical. "Alistair went red crying 'You're just jealous!' like a youngling and ran over there." She accentuated her statement with a flippant gesture of her hand toward the full-grown child sitting only feet away.

"Aha! You have been beaten!" Sten boomed beside them leaping from his sitting position on the floor in front of Dog. The sudden movement caused Oghren to jump and spray his mouth full of ale all over the poor animal. Leliana and Zevran turned around to watch Oghren sputter and cough as Dog whined miserably triggering uproarious laughs from them both. The youngest of the Couslands ignored the hysteria though in favor of allowing her anger at her fellow Warden to fester.

Alistair, in all his shining genius, decided to look up at her then with that same stupid smile still plastered on his face, "Isn't it wonderful?" he gushed, "We should buy one as _soon_ as possible!"

Later, _much_ later, she'll blame her ensuing outburst on the ale, but in that moment, she was a mass of warrior fury. She launched herself from her stool sending it crashing onto the floor. With unmistakable anger etched on her face she stomped right up to him, each step loud and deliberate.

"No. We. Will. _**Not**_," She growled when she was just inches from his bewildered face. And with that she ripped the Orlesian cheese slicer out of his hand and bashed it against the table at full force until it was an unrecognizable hunk of metal. An entirely satisfied sigh escaped her smiling lips when she placed it back in his hand and walked triumphantly away to pick up her stool and sit again, completely ignoring Alistair and the rest of her companions' baffled stares.

"Ah alright… is that's a _no_ then?…"


End file.
